Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Rebuttal From a Neighbor Regarding Kids

The following is a letter from Dawn James, who asked that it be published on the blog. Dawn, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's a good reminder that there are always two sides to a story.

I have tried very hard to be a part of this neighborhood, we tried to help out with the Grand Alliance movement with what little time we had available and I even offered my notarial services for free. My son (yep one of the accused) even spent hours upon hours trying to mow the parks when the community didn’t have the money to hire a landscaper last spring. I can’t thank Jim enough for all of the work he did (and has done) for our neighborhood, and don’t mean this to be a personal affront to him, but would like to provide the “other side of the story”…

In response to the “Grand Firs kids stole lumber from a building site”, and the further insinuation that surely anyone whom would steal lumber would paint vulgar words on the mailbox, here are the following TRUTHS:

1. Two of the three kids involved in this were my boys.

2. The lumber was not stolen, it was scrap. The nails they used were also thrown on the ground for scrap. To prove this point, when my boys (and I) visited with the builder bright and early the following morning (yes, contrary to belief we do discipline our kids and they had a consequence), he confirmed that it was indeed scrap and could they please take it all to the nearest dumpster after tearing their fort apart. In addition, I got a call from the agent who sits site in Phase 3 (Lena) that afternoon telling me how pleasant it was that they took responsibility for their mistake and if they (the boys) would like lumber in the future for their building endeavors to call her and some would be set aside for them! Really sounds like the builder was horribly upset with them huh?!? Now had he been upset, and since he had all of my contact information in addition to my boys being there for a few hours that day throwing the “stolen” lumber away, don’t you think he would have been in contact with me further? I am willing to bet no one would have thought to give another human being the benefit of the doubt that (a) they actually knew what scrap was and (b) that they had acknowledged their mistake to the rightful people the next morning.

3. Now, indeed, the police officer did respond and then came to my house as well as the house of the other child. I personally spoke with the officer whom told me that my boys were nothing but respectful and had willingly offered to tear down their fort the very next morning. He, however, was under the impression that the materials were stolen also. I did not question him much on that until we could speak with the builder the next morning…

I am more than offended that in Jim’s same sentence he insinuated that the very same kids who “stole” the lumber would be so inclined to write on the mailboxes. Like there hasn’t been any vandalism or other problems at all in Phase 3, PLEASE. It’s been a sore subject since we moved here, and multiple problems have been brought up at countless meetings, blog entries, etc.

Just because three neighborhood kids used poor judgment on where to build a fort, they are automatically vandals? That is almost as bad as Pak86 assuming that the kids who broke the real estate signs which, by the way were already broken, would be the very same ones whom would break into their car. Again, I remember a time in the not so distant past where car break-ins were a subject of discussion because our gates weren’t working. Seriously, have you all forgotten what it’s like to be children? Glad there are several people living here that never made a stupid mistake!

My husband and I did see that those signs were broken on Sunday morning and assumed that our boys’ friends had broken them. They were hitting them (NOT SHOOTING THEM) and we promptly woke all of the boys up and sent them out there to repair them. Which at least one neighbor applauded their efforts with and told them they had done a good job repairing them. Again, those two signs were already broken, BUT we didn’t let them off the hook in the least! A message for the agent was left on Monday, but I never heard back and they brought all new signs within a day.

They do indeed play airsoft, have for years, and they have played in the sunken field area by the tree park where other children had also played and made bunkers out of the overgrown weeds there. This area in sunken down, I have walked around in there with them. They all use safety goggles as they are well aware of the injuries that can occur and have not been shooting anywhere near a home or outside of that gulley. However, now that I see that is such strong area of disdain I will have to find somewhere else for them to have their airsoft wars. I’m pretty sure they don’t allow air powered guns at Paul Bunyan, we are members there and I will ask, but the joy in airsoft is not shooting at a target anyway – it’s shooting each other, hence, the safety goggles and thick clothing. Now before someone goes off on me about that, remember I said the area where they have been shooting is in a gulley not towards a house or a park or anything remotely like that. They know the rules, and don’t want to risk losing their $100-$200 worth of guns that they saved up to buy for themselves. I will no longer allow them to play airsoft down there because I see that it is nearly impossible for someone to see them walking down there with their airsoft guns in preparation for their battle without adults assuming that they surely must be up to no good.

So, let’s talk about the adults around here who think it’s fun to bully kids by driving at them full speed while all the while yelling F@$* YOU at the top of their lungs when they get close to my kids outside. Yep, heard it with my own ears, I was outside with them watching them skate. Sorry, that’s not about worrying about the safety of kids there, that’s outright bullying! A little background here about my kids, they love to skate! They are good at it. It’s a sport, no different than baseball, hockey, basketball, etc. that also needs to be played in the street while doing your best to watch out for oncoming traffic…I enjoy having my kids nearby enjoying their chosen sport and they love having me around (pretty rare for teenagers, and definitely not how I felt about my mom at their age). My daughter plays volleyball, would you be so inclined to come at her full speed ahead and swearing at her if she is out there passing a volleyball with a friend? How about all of the kids who like to ride their bikes and do tricks with them? Are you going to come at them like that just because it’s more mainstream? Now, I will admit that my kids should be a bit more attentive and get out of the street faster sometimes, but I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of being a driver (having to watch out for everything going on around you) while being a kid means learning and developing common sense to get out of the way faster. Of course I am concerned about their safety, pretty ridiculous for anyone to suggest that I might not but with all of the assuming going on around here, you never know! I try my best to help them be aware of their surroundings and to pay attention to when a car is coming – sometimes I am more successful than others. Again, I’m glad there are several perfect people living among us that probably have never had such issues.

If you have a problem, why not come knock on my door? I have had one person let me know that the kids were out too late at night one night this summer. The kids weren’t in her yard or anything, they just didn’t realize how badly their noise carried down the street and haven’t been out that late in the front yard making noise since then. I find it refreshing that she actually tried resolving the issue with me as opposed to making accusations and spreading untruths via our blog….

Another thing, in my anguish upon reading the blog yesterday, I spoke with several of my friends about what had been printed publicly. Two of those friends have taught my kids in the local schools and several of them have just known my kids for all of their lives. While they all acknowledge (as do I) that they are not perfect, they are far from criminals that would do the things they are being accused of!

Seriously regretting our move into a neighborhood that passes such vast and degrading judgment without all of the facts! At least there’s all those perfect adults living around here to make it all better!

Dawn James

10 comments:

jennifer said...

This should be taken up in a personal, private matter with whoever has upset you so greatly. Not on the blog.

Anonymous said...

The accusations were posted in the blog not handled through a private conversation with the parents of the accused. It is perfectly reasonable that the rebuttal/other side of the story be presented in the same format.

Jennifer said...

I read the blog everyday...and not once have seen names of anyone specifically mentioned in any comment. So no, technically...there were no accusations posted on the blog, publically, that pin pointed anyones child. The accusations were broad as I recall. As a blog administer myself, I wouldve NEVER allowed a post to be published, if it indeed did name specific names of neighborhood children...ESPECIALLY without absolute evidence.So if anyone feels like a post was directed toward them in an abscure way...ask. But "calling out" children, and battling neighbors over rumors and accusations...should not be done on this blog.

Anonymous said...

Jennifer,

You are right. There was the threat that "the names of the children should be published on the web and in the local papers.", but the names weren't published. I wanted a public rebuttal because of the people in the neighborhood that know 2 of the 3 kids were mine (the fort building incident)simply by the fact that the police officer was outside my house that night.

It would be reasonable to assume that they would put 2 and 2 together, not know the other side of the story and go with the flow of "they are surely bad kids, they are not being disciplined and are surely partaking in criminal behavior" bashings that could have easily continued in the comments of Jim's original posting.

Again, certainly didn't mean to offend anyone. I think that it's clear that you can't please everyone all of the time, however I can certainly be an advocate for my children. It was very hard for me to read the postings knowing that there are people in the neighborhood who did know exactly who was being accused even if there weren't names being printed.

I won't say any more about it, unless completely warranted...in fact, I will just try not to read the blog any more so as to not risk my "mamma bear" coming out. :0)

Dawn

Lisa Collier said...

Dawn,

I feel that you have every right to stick up for your kids in a public forum. I had no idea who the children were and my comments on the bb gun issue were based on what I had read and heard on the blog. I still believe that rules need to be created and enforced by a community if there are safety issues to person and property. This comment.."creating rules that will not be followed is a ridiculous waste of time and energy"..was the thing that I felt was wrong. I see by your comments that you are a loving mother that cares about what her children are doing and tries to stay on top of things. Good for you!! It's parents that do not do this that make it difficult for a community. My comments were not made to offend, but to inform, so I apologize if I have offended. I love watching the kids play in phase two behind us and I think we have all been guilty as kids of taking scrap lumber or anything else we could get our hands on for a fort..I did as a kid!
I feel bad that things have started out in this neighborhood as they have. The things we have all been through by moving into this development and tough economic times have made everyone a bit touchy and easily offended.
Thank you for the reminder that we are all in this together..like it or not..and we need to take a deep breath and consider others feelings before ranting..me included!:)

Mandy said...

Just my quick 2 cents...

I think Dawn is a very kind and friendly person. I don't know her kids, but I've seen them skateboarding in front of their house several times and they have always been courteous when it comes to moving for me (they've even waved).

Now that the HOA is up and running, I'm hoping to get some community events going. I think that by getting to know one another better, issues such as BB guns and skateboarding will be easier to talk about. Neighbors might be more comfortable knocking on a door if they know the person they're approaching.

Lisa C said...

Thanks Mandy, for your efforts..I like your thinking!:)
I was watching the kids play war in the gulley a month or so ago and was one was wearing a guilly(?) suit. They were quite entertaining. My husband made this comment.."times have changed..when I was a kid we threw rocks and oranges (he's from sounthern Cal.) at each other..now it's airsoft guns." So glad to hear that the kids are well taught and wearing protective clothing and goggles.
You know..we have 30 acres of wetlands..I am totally fine with the kids using this. Maybe they can shoot a few coyotes while they are at it!:)

Ann said...

I only read the blog when a new post is put on to find out about HOA meetings and neighborhood garage sales and such. I stay out of the nit picking that goes on because it doesn't interest me. Although, I feel the need to respond to the last two blogs regarding the banning of BB guns and this one regarding airsofting and accusing kids of actions without proof.

1) My kids have also played airsoft out in the back lots, around the reservoir, and the woods. I will continue to allow them to do so until those areas are under construction. We have little time left with these open areas for the kids to go out and PLAY instead of being inside, constantly plugged into electronics. They are not hurting anyone or anything when they airsoft, they take them out of the neighborhood and into the back empty lots. People complain that kids don't go out and play anymore and that there isn't anything for kids to do to keep them busy and out of trouble. Well, here we have a lot of open area right now for the kids to do just that and they should not be discouraged from doing so.

2) I totally disagree with the banning of BB guns in the neighborhood! I and my kids have and will continue to shoot BB guns in our backyard. Again, there is no harm done to anyone else. We don't take them out of the backyard, but if we did I am a responsible parent that can teach and guide my kids in the right and wrong ways to handle a BB gun. I don't need anyone else making decisions for me.

3) We have lived here for nearly three years and have seen vandelism to the construction, parks, signs, car break-ins (mine included), ect. throughout the whole time. I am disappointed that there are adults in the neighborhood that would jump to conclusions, accuse kids without proof, and decide punishment for other peoples kids. I agree that if you see or hear something you don't think is appropriate, THEN GO TALK TO THE PARENTS. We are more than capable of parenting our own children. It's real easy to talk, accuse and convict on a blog without having to face another person or have someone refute your accusations. The best thing we can do as parents is talk to one another so we all know what is happening with our kids.

4) It seems that we all have to be punished for the actions of a few. Well, I disagree and am tired of that mentality. If you have a problem, go work it out face to face. I will not have my family punished, our rights taken away because a few people in this neighborhood don't like something. We have been active and a part of this neighborhood, we pay our HOA dues and will do as we please while respecting others and their property. I only ask the same in return.

So, Dawn I applaude you for sticking up for yourself and your kids. I hope you will continue to allow them to play in the neighborhood and not allow a couple of neighbors dictate what can and cannot happen in this neighborhood.

Mike said...

Isn't that gulley marked "no trespassing"?

Anonymous said...

Yes it is Mike!